you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
