i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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