You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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