I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
