just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
