i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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