i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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