She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
