he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
