My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
