dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
