PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
