Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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