Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
