i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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