They should really pass out barf bags in church
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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