Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
