I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
