Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
