Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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