I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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