I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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