Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize