wakey wakey hands off snakey
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
