Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
