Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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