Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
