He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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