he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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