So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are we still banned from the library?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
