I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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