the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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