Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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