the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
