i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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