how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
