just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
