I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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