she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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