Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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