I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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