i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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