look no pants
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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