If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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