Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
