So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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