I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
