Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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