Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
