I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
