You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
