Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How does one acquire holy water?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Who died my cat blue again?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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