At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
