Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
