is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
