just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
