Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
