i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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