FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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