I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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