Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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