he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
