why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
