I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
