last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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