Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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