please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
