she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
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He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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