Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
