I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just forgot I was standing up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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