i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
