I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
